Free write for freedom

The process of my redemption. That’s what I wrote at the top of the page. This came after spending some time free writing in my journal. I know this doesn’t sound super exciting on the outside looking in, but from the inside looking in, it was quite eye opening.

How did I find these words? I simply woke up and reached for my journal, my usual AM ritual. I sat and pondered for a moment. What do I want to write about? What’s coming to my mind, what thoughts am I waking up with. I wasn’t putting thoughts in or reaching for some, just allowing whatever wanted to rise to the surface to step forward and be recognized.

What came next was non-stop observations, deep held emotions, and beliefs that I honestly knew might be there somewhere but really aren’t looked at. My thought - why would you? If you look at something, and it causes pain or discomfort, don’t you just shove it back in the drawer of your mind real quick? Uh huh….yup.... that’s what I do. Who wants to look at something that makes them feel bad? Who really wants to look at anger, resentment, and self judgement?

So I just kept writing. I could feel a bit of “this isn’t something you should write down” (notice the should). Be quiet. I’m simply writing whatever comes up. Quiet down judgmental mind. The topic I chose was the starting point, and it allowed more to pour out. This really is the beauty of free writing. Getting into the space where you ask a question and allow yourself to write whatever comes next, as if the pencil is moving itself and you are simply the scribe for what is flowing out of inside you. You don’t censor it, you just write.

I honestly didn’t know where it was going. I never do. When I stop to think “what does this mean or why am I doing this”, the flow stops. I’ve learned to just keep writing as fast as I can until the words slow down and it feels like I’m reaching for something more. When I feel that reaching in effort I stop. It feels complete.

Within my words I wrote “ I see you”. That seemed to calm the beast of my thoughts. And I just kept writing. Really? it just needs a voice, and to be seen? Of course....seeing what resides within leads to.... the door of freedom.

Then inspiration came. At the end of the free write I was given the most powerful process with which to review all these “points”. It was so powerful to me personally that I heard “write it down, get a piece of paper and write it down” So I did. I understand that free writing accesses the subconscious and allows whatever is ready to emerge to come forth. I’ve learned to simply listen and go with it. Just follow it and let it unfold.

For me, I like to let my free writing pages settle for a day or so, then go back and read thru, noticing what comes out and catches my attention. In this instance, I know I’m supposed to go back and bullet point every sentence and word that triggered emotion. This is the first step of the process I was guided to jot down. And…. I can’t wait to explore this process, my process of redemption, and see where it leads!